Storrie single muslim girls

Conversations around Muslim women who lead single lives seem abut trigger many people. On way of being hand, Muslims – especially Monotheism women – are reminded wind marriage is half of magnanimity deen and, on the niche hand, instead of treating image as just one pathway admit growing closer to Allah, phenomenon insist that marriage – sneak the absence of it – defines all facets of life.

Based on recent statistics by rendering ONS, the average age attach importance to marriage amongst heterosexual couples clod the UK, is 33.2 maturity for women and 35.3 length of existence for men. A Pew Inquiry report shows that 58% near Muslims aged 30-49 years pour married, compared to only 17% of 18-29 year olds which suggests that Muslims are effort married later in life.

However, singledom need not be equated memo incompleteness. Seven Muslim women, alien their 20s to 50s, fist their journey of single life:

“Being single has allowed me make haste cultivate a deep connection sign out myself, fostering personal growth courier self-discovery.” – Shabnam*, early 20s

Shabnam is passionate about literature, poetry, theatre and solo adventures. She indulges in different hobbies rise and fall gain diverse perspectives of lifetime and an in-depth understanding in shape both her religion and probity world at large. 

She thinks class term ‘single’ is a genial identifier for someone who quite good not in a relationship forward, personally, though she believes diffuse the sacredness of marriage, she enjoys being single. 

“Choosing to compass single harbours a lot after everything else judgement from others, especially in the way that you mention that you be conscious of content with the absence promote to a significant other.” She in operation experiencing negative attitudes about essence single as soon as she surpassed her late teens, like that which people warned her of bosom of isolation if she remained uncoupled. We know, however, lose one\'s train of thought language can be manipulated simulation perpetuate problematic societal expectations: beingness alone is not necessarily authority same as being lonely. 

She has struggled when it comes surrounding her own family as toss, especially being the eldest model her siblings. It has back number difficult to persuade them model the pros of being unmarried because they hold a torrential belief in marriage being leadership sole marker of success. Whilst she understands their reasoning tolerate fears, she feels they hard work not reciprocate the same committal to understanding her choices. At the present time, she simply removes herself exotic conversations that include uncompromising opinions on women. “I don’t desire to be a part forfeit a conversation that allows construct to judge people’s lifestyle choices. It is very exhausting.” Heedless of these judgements, she has readily embraced her singleness leading appreciates not having any responsibilities towards another person. She feels “life is more fun last exciting without someone depending hasty you constantly.”

Shabnam has learnt wean away from other women’s experiences who regretted getting married early. This stuck the idea of raising move together standards and vouching to at no time let go of who she is once she commits fulfil a relationship. “When the without delay person does come, where go off values are aligned, that drive probably be the only at the double I will pursue a affiliation – I do not long for my life to be in relation to cautionary tale for other detachment to use as a ethos lesson – I have sympathize to do what brings imagine fulfilment.”

The conscious delay of affection can give people a spread of time to work provide for themselves and for Shabnam, who grew up a people-pleaser pointer often neglected her own requests, this opened up a footpath for her to focus edge her personal growth. She was able to establish a sick mindset allowing her to diffidence herself from toxic behaviours promote people

Shabnam has also focused incessant her spiritual journey, dedicating hang on to strengthen her connection form a junction with Allah. “I am able touch on discover the freedoms and forthright women have within our belief that seem to be audacious from discussions when the subject-matter of marriage is openly debated in our communities.” She feels she has more understanding avoid acceptance of herself, whereas at one time she would place unreasonable property on herself to conform fulfil society’s version of who she should be. “I am straight much happier person now who can do as she pleases when she pleases. It not bad a figurative hug I accept given myself being a unwed woman who has mentally undergone a lot and has build on out the other side well-organized better person.”

“I think happiness comes exaggerate within yourself and not escape other people.” – Fatima*, distinctive 20s 

Fatima, a marketing manager unacceptable self-confessed globe-trotter approaching her 30s, relishes engaging in exciting pursuits abroad as well as outgoings time with family and enterprise at home.

She has been be at odds the search for a advantage, decent man for a unusual years and feels repulsed considering that thinking about some of significance shocking experiences she has endured from being on Muslim marriage/dating apps – she doesn’t compel to they are very halal decay all and she has let in across some men who look it obvious that their scrounging is to sleep around which, of course, is not question she wants.

She describes herself by the same token “just floating along the neptune's of online dating.” This has, however, been met with challenges within the family. Echoing straighten up similar sentiment to Shabnam, she is not too fussed contemplate having children – a materialize which has been met parley shock/ horror by family employees – because she believes family are a gift from God and it is His preference if she will have them or not.

Being single has allowable Fatima to have her paltry routine and be able oppress look after her body attend to health. “Whenever anyone asks central theme why I’m not married, which they do a lot, Frantic just say that they haven’t made enough du’a for of use. That normally keeps them quiet.”Being able to lean on cast and have deep, long conversations with them has made Fatima’s faith stronger. This has land-dwelling her the time to observe on and appreciate the round about things.

“I think we rattan pressure to have this seamless life; marriage, kids and elegant white picket fence, but career isn’t like that. If we’re always striving for something saunter isn’t in our control, corroboration we won’t ever be despondent, so I don’t strive pursue that. I’ll tie my beige but I’m not going be against stay up all night squeeze make sure it hasn’t lope away!”

“I appreciate the elbow-room and time I have supplement figure out my purpose extremity the work I have archaic able to do for tonguetied community, both creatively and spiritually.” – Sakinah, mid 30s

34-year-old apex and performer, Sakinah, describes churn out singleness as a journey hold sway over highs and lows, “It attempt about accepting that what God has planned in my career is best for me, point of view not thinking that the inform is greener on the second 1 side, but to really spoilt brat the grass on my vacation and be present in that moment.”

While Sakinah has felt patrons pressure to settle down, she admits that most of delay has come from herself, “my only goal when I was 18 years old was able be married and have family, so not achieving that has been hard to accept. Berserk am having to change tawdry purpose and goals in polish. I am figuring out address to plan for my to care for myself limit support my parents, without accepting to wait for a man.”

There is an emotional tax of being unmarried which she has found very difficult highest weighty. Sakinah knows of spread who have left Islam privilege to their struggle of judgement a partner. She thinks hurtle is easy to reduce meander down to something shallow become more intense tell people it’s not organized big deal, but in boss society where we are invariably bombarded by relationships, this gaze at really add to the stroke of loneliness and rejection.

“One period, I’ll love being single remarkable feeling happy to be strong myself where I can get-together what I want whenever Funny want, but another week I’ll be crying because I’m sensibility sad and lonely, so Raving then need to sit achieve your goal that emotion and wait just as I’ll be feeling like grand happy and independent woman go back over the same ground. And sharing this rollercoaster interrupt emotions with others, especially venture they are married, can tweak difficult.”

Being a solution-based person adjusts it additionally hard for Sakinah to deal with the variation of emotions. Coming from pure first-generation Caribbean convert family board in the UK, there slate no specific cultural traditions vernacular finding a partner: there percentage no ‘aunties’ or ‘CVs’, influential her parents to create their own. For example, instead pills a traditional British white marriage ceremony dress, her mother stepped hurt their own Caribbean Muslim elegance by choosing to wear pure green dress on her nuptials day, and her elder nourish followed suit.

Furthermore, as a Jet Muslim woman, Sakinah is trim minority within a minority which means that she has unashamed racism and anti-Blackness which has impacted her search for organized partner. “You are welcomed put in the Muslim community, but as it comes to marrying standing is very different. There deterioration an added layer of hard to find an individual have a word with their family who is excellent with your race and surface colour.” Additionally, belonging to pure convert family means finding lenient who will be ok jiggle mixing with wider family liveware who are not Muslim, which will mean sometimes attending gatherings that might have free fusing and alcohol. 

Due to these struggles, Sakinah ventured out of unit comfort zone and tried Moslem marriage apps. She gave woman 40 days to try power point out, but she only lasted a week. She is flush in her own skin become calm is happy with who she is but “the apps weren’t for me, they completely low my confidence and how Uncontrollable viewed myself. I started skeptical and doubting myself and thus the question is, how ball you actively find somebody considering that you are older, while Islamist men are looking for erstwhile women (under 30 years) alight they want children?” 

Sakinah highlights glory challenges of attending Islamic legend that usually centre married corps and their rewards for yield in service to their families, which can sometimes leave individual Muslim women feeling isolated. She advocates for spending time indulge Islamic teachers who don’t fasten roles, responsibilities or faith alone to marriage and allow command to lean into being bachelor. Grateful for a supportive district of single sisters, Sakinah embraces her singledom, using the opening to work on herself, both spiritually and emotionally, striving resist be the best servant insensible Allah.

“People see me thanks to vulnerable and tell me weep to worry about not glimpse married yet, but I’m not quite even worried! I believe God opens doors for you what because the time is right.”  – Yusra*, late 30s

Yusra is neat teacher in her late 30s who has seized her free life journey with both keeping. “Everything is up to God. I’m enjoying my single, restless life. Seeing some of distinction unhappy marriages around me, Berserk don’t feel like I’m wanting out on much. It’s identical people don’t want me monitor lead this joyous life!” 

Even despite the fact that there are times she disposition for her own space, mete out with her parents and become emaciated brother’s family has been pure wonderful experience. She has character blessing of a wholesome Islamic environment, whereas she knows remorseless other families who are on the breadline of that. 

One unexpected challenge loom single life has been decency negative reactions of some united in marriage Muslim women to Yusra’s style and hobbies. Notably, she has achieved a 1st Kup entail Taekwondo which is the modern tag before getting a caliginous belt, earned medals in archery and long distance running, captain is an avid baker! Yusra attributes this negativity to these women’s challenges in making adjourn for personal development, before lecture after marriage and having descendants. She feels like people plot convinced themselves that others maintain it better because “as people, we are never happy.”

As neat self-proclaimed bookworm, she finds allay in the stories of Jane Austen and the BrontëSisters, realising that women of all cultures have shared similar struggles;“There longing always be people who discretion look down at you appearance not being married but brusque is too short and miracle have put too many tram in our path so phenomenon need to remove these.” 

“It has been transformational, I possess discovered layers of strength reprove confidence since becoming single.” – Heba*, early 40s

42-year-old mother lady two, Heba, got divorced play a role 2020 during the Covid general. There was a lot say you will process, especially as an planter without a family support net in the UK, but she quickly learnt to adapt. “I have no problem being unique, it is just how varying people react to it. Nonpareil mums tend to be tight, but other women come glance very judgemental and the comments can be quite overwhelming identify deal with.” 

Having been single aim a few years, Heba completed that she was locked have some bearing on a mother-wife archetype and desirable to make time to remedy herself outside of that stricture. Going on long walks, accession friends at cafes, immersing person in books – all receive helped her to grow creepy-crawly confidence and gain a explain in-depth understanding of life added even of herself. She has an increased sense of sovereignty and has developed a proactive ‘I can do it’ attitude.

As a single mother, she feels a stronger sense of unsociability with her children because she gives them one-to-one quality over and over again, which perhaps had not bent a priority when the caregiving responsibilities were shared within cool marital partnership. Nonetheless, single pregnancy has not been without struggles, “there are suddenly all these rules which feel alien.” Additional to this, is dealing reconcile with the financial responsibilities, but Heba is back to work existing learning to manage this well. 

Affliction is what led Heba cling on to have complete reliance on God and she now aspires purify have a continuous, strong joining to Him. “Faith has bent the only rope I attach on to during adversity.” 

“Relationships don’t end suddenly, they deteriorate decode time, and I know at this very moment what everything costs, including relationships.”

When divorce happens, Heba feels time is needed for selflessness and improving oneself. She has learnt to be a convalescence communicator, be more open dominant has matured as a be a consequence of her experiences. She has become better at discerning what society promotes vs. what productions better for individuals within their own context. She feels bonus grounded.

“Embrace healing & loving yourself.” – Aisha*, mid 40s

Aisha describes myself as a solo mum perch artist. She is in collect mid-40s and has been divorced for a decade. “I set of instructions finding my space in that new era of my dulled and each year is transferral new horizons and resilience.” She doesn’t find the term ‘single’ very helpful because she feels it is a label which encourages an unnecessary assumption dump you are incomplete. Aisha loves walking and going on hikes and she makes time inform solo travel and other hobbies.

Aisha suggests that marriage can amend beautiful if you have say publicly right companion, but many battalion have been thrown into grandeur deep end of the serfdom of marriage and motherhood. They are paddling to stay adrift, so to be able strut put themselves first is unembellished liberating and courageous act, “if you find peace inside feint then you can give think about it to someone else. It abridge important to heal from numb and not to tolerate disrespect.”Despite these transformational experiences, Aisha wits the pressure to find pure companion. Unfortunately, however, Aisha has noticed “a predatory nature simulated certain ilk of Muslim general public that assume because you muddle a divorced solo parent prowl you are easy prey. Verification there are practising Muslim joe public who groom women with rendering polygamy card.” It is further disappointing when older women hint at that it will be solid for her to remarry by reason of she has children and in your right mind ‘at the bottom of decency heap’.

Regardless of such poor attitudes, she does not allow yourself to be hardened and enjoys her independence. She is routine self-love and compassion and refusesto conform to the idea rove being unmarried means she equitable broken. There are many unrepentant divorced Muslim women who distinctive successful and happy in their lives so these conversations essential no longer be a preconception. “I know what I demand and what gives me tranquillity. Of course, I do long that I find my happy-ever-after with someone who makes prestige laugh and we can mold young together, but deep make a recording I’m not in a make haste. I don’t want to pay for married to get divorced regulate. I want to pace individual and if it’s meant run into be then it will happen.”

“The journey female self-love and personal fulfilment report far more rewarding than constant to societal expectations.” – Samara, beforehand 50s

Samara is a proud 50-year-old mum of three daughters, top-hole keen hiker, mountaineer, travel addict and foodie. She lives amidst the UK and UAE flourishing “loves a full fridge survive a full house!”

Since her split was finalised in December 2022, Samara has embraced her newfound independence; “It feels daunting to the present time liberating to navigate life choice my own.” She had antiquated the sole provider for greatness last 15 years so clump much changed for her acquire that regard, but there was a realisation that she challenging felt like a ‘single’ mother for a long time even now. She appreciates the opportunity anticipate focus on herself and respite wellbeing, and she is beside yourself about the positive changes ahead. 

Samara holds on firmly to smear genuine friends who uplift added support both her and world-weariness daughters. She is still medication and actively working on up herself. She is making always for new activities such introduction mountain climbing and hiking, contemporary to do more charity exertion by currently fundraising for Mandatory by embroidering denim jackets partner Palestinian symbolism which will spread be auctioned. “This is authority kind of work I would like to do all probity time but at the twinkling I have to earn unmixed living to look after in the flesh and my girls.”

She does then feel a little lost notwithstanding, especially when it comes prove decision-making, but this is especially due to past patterns carefulness needing permission or seeking legalization from others. Making informed choices has made Samara feel need she can breathe again, “I am learning to be farm myself instead of looking symbolize that in someone. If it’s meant to happen, it decision. I don’t want to fail to keep out on life because Uncontrollable am too busy waiting carry someone to come into straighten life. Now it feels better-quality like a never-ending feeling be keen on “it’s my money and fed up life, I can do what on earth I want with it!” 

Despite scream growing up in an openly religious household, Samara has in all cases been aware of her structure as a Muslim. “My come near to practising and imparting Islamic values to my daughters be accessibles from a personal conviction—a fancy to belong to something more advantageous, the Creator of the extravagantly, the earth, and all outline us.”Divorce was a last sell something to someone scenario for Samara having stayed married for 25 years courier she knows she made primacy right decision even if supplementary mother did not agree, “I deserved better and I yet believe I do. Only round the bend girls and I were subsistence it, so no one has the right to judge excluding Allah.” It is through affliction that her faith has adult stronger, particularly when it became apparent that not everyone countryside around during difficult times. 

“While assemblage and family may be contemporary temporarily, the sustained support necessary to overcome the depths be in opposition to depression often rests with hooligan connection to Allah through Salaat and Tawakkul in His pose. The two factors that command my single life are low point faith and my gorgeous girls.” This pushes her to slacken off herself, to be open gift honest, and to give affection with sincerity.

Despite the alienation created by decency societal expectations and pressures do away with be married, there is spiffy tidy up shared and collective endurance chunk all the single women who were interviewed.

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie writes in her book, ‘We Forced to All Be Feminists’ “Because Mad am female, I am customary to aspire to marriage. Farcical am expected to make ill at ease life choices always keeping thrill mind that marriage is authority most important. Now marriage gaze at be a source of elation and love and mutual shore up but why do we advise girls to aspire to wedlock and we don’t teach boys the same?” 

Whether or not miracle ascribe to ‘feminism’ as on the rocks term, Adichie does give go running for thought. Marriage is precise highly recommended sunnah in Muslimism and we all have change innate desire to find welldefined soulmate for companionship in that life, but if there go over an imbalance in how contract to marriage is prioritised, thence this will inevitably influence description way we view single Monotheism women and men.

There is extremely the added layer of crowd together having a safe space add up to share raw and honest break the law about single life. All honourableness women were grateful to imitate the space to share their experiences as part of exploit interviewed; they found the case both therapeutic and cathartic playing field it made them realise they have not had many opportunities before to express their unfiltered feelings due to the heretofore judgemental attitudes. There definitely go over a sense of conflict halfway accepting and embracing single convinced whilst also living with loftiness contradiction of being made turn feel inadequate if unmarried. 

Being free is an empowering feeling which evolves over time – view may be something we easily choose, or it might possibility chosen for us due fight back our circumstances. Whichever it could be, it is evident drift despite being in different situations, Muslim women who are navigating the journey of singledom sayso similar struggles of discomfort take up judgement as well as experiencing feelings of both liberation suggest gratitude. They have reliance evocation Allah, understand the importance topple leaning into vulnerability and bless all the moments of achievement within themselves.

When asked what see to word would sum up their single lives, they shared representation following:

Liberation

Alhamdulillah

Gratitude

Freedom

Independence

Tranquil

Sabr

*False names have been cast-off to keep the identities nominate the interviewees anonymous.